Standing in the Need of GRACE
Amazing how this takes different forms. Please note, I am by NO means any expert with respect to Narcissistic Abuse, nor epigenetic trauma (e.g. descendants of WWII Holocaust Survivors), generational “curses” – or fill in the blank.
I AM trying “in real time” to figure out how to interpret, understand, evaluate, resolve .. I am trying to offer GRACE and FORGIVENESS where possible, while also not continuing to subject me or my husband to ongoing abusive behaviors – At least insofar as I must do so for my own peace with God .. but the challenges that manifest continue to surprise. Yes, new developments in the past couple weeks with my “FOO” –
It never stops. 😦
Just as you might think you’re putting certain aspects of the past LEGITIMATELY in the PAST .. leaving it behind .. life has a way of resurrecting things, bringing NEW offenses, and forcing you to re-evaluate your own convictions. “Someone” is doing much of this “on purpose.” .. And I do not necessarily mean the HOLY Spirit, but there is a “spirit” at work, here. (How much, though, do I need to joyfully say with Job, that the Lord GIVES and the Lord TAKES AWAY, Blessed be the name of the Lord?)
I cannot elaborate – the players are too aware of this blog, and anything I say “can and will be used against” me if I spell this out too much.
For OUR purposes (mine, this blog’s, my husband’s, any similar sufferers’) – I am wrestling “out loud” so to speak, with HOW to evaluate all these things in a way that is faithfully consistent with God’s requirements on me, as far as his own standards of grace, forgiveness, justice, righteousness, holiness and LOVE.
Today, I can only offer the following:
I intend to live HERE for the next several days. And PRAY for God’s grace for both mercy and understanding – because I have NO desire to visit my personal drama/trauma on my marriage or my job, et al.
Please read the full chapter, consider (re)memorizing this with me?, and THANK God for his grace in ALL of life’s dealings, as we face new challenges every day.
Weeping is momentary. Emotions are “indicators” and worthy of evaluation (but they are meant to be “in MOTION” – and not a place to live/stay/percolate). My husband is committed to bearing my burdens WITH me – I do not have the “luxury” of “processing” by myself, anymore ..
Thank you, Lord, for your myriad graces in this life! Please, now, offer wisdom as to whatever comes next.
~Love Moore ❤