BRAVING Trust Connections ~ Brené Brown

I recently watched an online talk with Brené Brown regarding building TRUST.
For my own sake (and by extension, yours), I am copying my notes from the brief but densely packed 25 minute presentation, here [with apologies for hard-to-read formatting – I don’t know how to get wordpress to “fix” the spacing issues on this one]:
BRAVING
**********
GREAT example:  her daughter’s teacher using a “marble jar” to represent good decisions/bad decisions – increasing this number to the point of a cumulative celebration when the jar is full.  Q:  Do you have any “marble jar” friends?  (Trust BUILT over time through a series of trust MOMENTS.)
a good df of “trust” – choosing to make something [that’s] important to you VULNERABLE to the actions of someone else.  [distrust – what I have shared with you – which is important to me! – is not SAFE with you.]
BRAVING acronym (“braving” connection with someone):
B = Boundaries – I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and hold them, and you’re clear about my boundaries, and you respect them.
R = Reliability – You do what you say you’re going to do – and not just “once” – over and over and over again.  [Seizing opportunity to show care – By contrast, moments we choose to ignore/avoid can be interpreted as “betrayal.”]
A = Accountability – I can only trust you IF, when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it, apologize for it, and make amends.  And when I make a mistake, I am allowed to own it, apologize, and make amends.
V = [the] Vault – What I share with you, you will HOLD in CONFIDENCE.  What you share with me, I will hold in confidence.  Here’s where we lose trust with people:  Gossip – you have just shared with me something that was not yours to share!  We “gossip” as a way to hotwire connection with each other – but our closeness is built on talking bad about other people – “common enemy” intimacy – it’s counterfeit trust!  That’s not real!  Respect MY story, that it’s MY story.
I = Integrity – 1) Choosing courage over comfort, 2) Choosing what’s right over what’s fast/fun/easy, 3) Practicing your values, not just professing your values.
N = Non-judgment – I can fall apart and be in struggle and ask for help without being judged by you; and you can fall apart and be in struggle and ask for help without being judged by me.  If you cannot ask for help, and you cannot reciprocate that, that is not a trusting relationship.  And you cannot “not judge” others for asking for help if you’re judging yourself for asking for help.  “Helping” but with judgment is NOT trust.  You’re just getting “value” from being the helper in the relationship, and that’s counterfeit!
G = Generosity [cf: 1 Cor 13 love always believes the best] – Real trust presumes the most GENEROUS thing about my words/intentions/behaviors and then checks it with me.  So if I screw up, say something, forget something – make a generous assumption.
This is the anatomy of trust, and it’s complex.
“I don’t trust you!”  What do you mean you don’t trust me?  [defensive]
Be willing to say – here’s what’s not working .. we have a [boundaries/reliability/vault…] issue.
CRITICAL:  This “braving” acronym works with self-trust, too.  (Did I honor my own boundaries?  Am I reliable?  Can I hold myself accountable?  Did I give MYSELF the benefit of the doubt?)
“I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves but SAY ‘I love you.'” M. Angelou
The thing to examine first is your own marble jar – how do you treat yourself?  You can’t GIVE to someone else something you don’t believe you, yourself, are “worthy” of receiving.
~Brené Brown
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About Grace2Grow

Leah holds a Bachelor's degree in Philosophy, and considers herself a forever-student at heart, especially of the Word of God. The last few years have included a 160+ lbs weightloss, and a complete re-working of her "inner man" as she has had to journey from merely what she "knew" to putting that into "ACTION" .. a transformation that so rocked her core, she believes God's calling in her life includes a sense of "urgency," as the body of Christ is fully - knowingly or unknowingly - entrenched in These Last Days, just as Jesus prophesied. She has worked in various forms of professional Customer Service for nearly 20 years, from Mortgages and Banking to Automotive Plastics, and values most the opportunity to mediate and problem-solve. Leah has served over the years in varying roles, from Women's Bible Study Leader to Choir Director to Worship Leading to teaching Sunday School to working faithfully in the Nursery. She loves being a Wife and Aunt and Sister and Daughter and Friend, and loves to read just about anything she can put her hands on. She is always re-learning putting feet and muscle to these things, but she has learned there is incalculable value in "working the plan," and "being faithful with LITTLE so as to be entrusted with MUCH." And she is trusting her beloved God and Savior for the "much" yet to come. You can find more of her musings on her blogs at http://grace2grow.com and http://grace2grow.blogspot.com/, or follow her on Twitter at https://twitter.com/grace2grow

Posted on November 16, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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